Absolution
by McGonagal'sCat
Summary: Non-magical AU. Can forgiveness be granted without contrition? Can love really conquer all in the face of duty and faith? Remus has been a devoted priest for twenty years but is confronted with his own humanity when Hermione offers her confession. **COMPLETE**
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This crazy little plot popped in my head a few months ago and I just couldn't let it go. Complete non-magical AU, so there will be no Hogwarts or any other HP characters or events, just Remus & Hermione. For some reason, I can totally envision Remus as a priest. It's weird, I know, but hear me out; he's kind, thoughtful, smart and compassionate. I also think the lycanthropy storyline mirrors a lot of the same themes of priesthood (self-imposed isolation, loneliness, a feeling of being different/separate from the rest of the world). I just see it fitting for some reason and I simply had to write this. Sometimes a story just won't let you rest until you let it out. **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. This won't be a long story, 3 chapters only. One posted today, one tomorrow (Sunday) and the last one on Monday.**

 **As per usual, I do not own these characters, but how I do love to play with them :)**

 _"In that moment I understood that the cruelest words in the universe are 'if only'."  
― Lisa See, Peony in Love_

Remus had nodded off while reading before the warm, flickering hearth and he awoke with a start near midnight. Dozing upright in his reading chair left a terrible kink in his neck as he slowly stood to stretch and gather his papers and books.

He walked by his window and caught sight of his small church below and he suddenly realized that he had forgotten to lock the church's front doors. He usually was so careful, but tonight he had been distracted, his mind far away, and he simply forgot.

He could now see from his bedroom window that someone had been in the church since dusk and had lit a good many prayer candles that now shimmered and danced in the stained-glass window. He wondered who could have visited and lit so many, at least a dozen of them by the looks of it.

Someone in desperate need of something, a feeling that Remus knew all too well.

He sat down heavily on his bed and pulled on his winter boots and black coat, grabbed his keys and headed off to lock up for the night. As he left the rectory and crunched across the packed snow, he saw a familiar blue car parked by the front doors and realized with some surprise just who was inside.

Speeding up his stride, he pulled the heavy, oaken doors open to peer in and found her sitting in a pew near the altar. She turned at the noise and he saw she had been crying.

"Hermione, dear, what's wrong?", he said, looking alarmed at finding the twenty-two year old all alone in his church at midnight.

"Oh, Father Lupin, I'm fine. I'm so sorry I disturbed you," she said, quickly wiping the tears from her eyes and flushed cheeks.

"Don't be silly, you haven't disturbed me," he said walking towards her, a warm smile playing across his face. "It's awfully late to be out and about, especially with all the snow we're expecting tonight," he said softly, worried as to why the young lady was gracing him with her presence at such a late hour.

"Oh my goodness, I must've lost track of time. I didn't realize it was so late. I went for a drive to think and found myself here. I just wanted someplace quiet to sit," she said rather sheepishly.

He smiled and nodded, understanding the need to be alone at times.

"Would you like to talk? It looks like something is troubling you," he said, as he approached her and sat beside her in the small pew.

She usually saw him in his habit; his white, priestly collar, black button down and slacks, his hair perfectly combed back, his professional facade firmly in place. But tonight, sitting before her, relaxed and unguarded, he looked so very different.

Tonight he wore jeans and a grey sweater under his black winter coat. His face was flushed from the cold and his sandy brown, shaggy hair was tousled and wind-swept. Fresh snowflakes still clung to the stubble on his cheeks and his lips were flushed and pink.

He looked like any other man, not like a priest. Not at all.

The only thing that seemed unchanged were his eyes. They looked the same as always, a brilliant blue-grey, that was both bright and warm. They radiated such kindness and concern.

She straightened up and quickly dried her eyes, shaking her head adamantly, "Oh, no, Father Lupin, I'm fine, really. It's late, I'll just be going."

But as she stood to leave, he stood with her and gently clasped her small shoulders so he could look into her reddened eyes, "Hermione, I've known you for ten years and something is obviously wrong. Please talk to me," his voice so soft and kind, broke her reserve as the tears rushed out once more and she collapsed back into the pew, her body heaving from the extraordinary effort of holding so much in.

He sat down with her and held her small hand. He didn't push her to explain but rather waited quietly for her to speak.

So much of being a priest involved waiting, and since Remus was immensely patient he was well-regarded throughout their small town as an exceptional man of God. He knew the deepest secrets of the heart and soul were precious things that couldn't be shared at will. They were sacred and beautiful and could only be bared before the most deserving, the most pure of heart. And so he sat, as he had countless times before, and waited to see how he could help his dear, young friend.

Her tears gradually ebbed and she drew a deep, shaky breath, her chest heaving and her pink lips quivering from the flood of emotion clucthing her heart. He merely waited beside her, anguish filling his heart at the sight before him.

After many minutes, she finally cleared her throat and said, "Father Lupin?"

He smiled at her, "Hermione, you know you can call me Remus. We're dear friends, aren't we?"

She smiled at his words, the familiarity that had grown between them over the last year enveloping her like a warm blanket, comforting her and putting her at ease.

She had grown up in this small town and had known Remus since he came to her church ten years ago. Even at the age of twelve, she could tell he was different from the other stuffy, formal priests she had met before.

He was so young and full of life, his sermons were always moving and thoughtful, funny and heartfelt. He loved nature and was often found taking walks around town, starting up games of soccer with the neighborhood kids, or helping elderly ladies walk their groceries home. He was the most charismatic person she had ever known, priest or otherwise. Everything he did was done with passion and care and she greatly admired him.

Growing up as a shy, knobby-kneed bookworm, Hermione had frequently found herself on the outside looking in, often finding it hard to make friends. But Remus had always been kind to her. He asked about the poetry she wrote and would take extra time with her on Sundays after mass to ask how school was going or show her a smooth river rock he had found.

Even though he was an adult, Hermione had always seen him as a kindred spirit and a dear friend and she felt drawn to him, like the tide towards the moon and that feeling only waxed as she grew older.

She had moved back home one year ago after graduating from college and had quickly become good friends with Remus once more, the pair often enjoying long talks about religion and philosophy, poetry and travel. They seemed to share so many interests and passions as they sat beneath the old willow on the church grounds discussing the intricacies of life. Despite their differences in age and background, he was her dearest friend and she valued him more than she could say.

"Hermione, what's wrong?", he carefully asked.

She sat in silence, staring at the many candles she had lit, as fresh tears quietly made their way down her flushed cheeks.

"Is this about tomorrow?", he asked.

She nodded gravely, her eyes cast downward.

"Are you nervous?", he kindly asked.

Again she answered with a nod.

He smiled, "Well, that's natural. Everyone is a bit nervous before their wedding. But when you see Jonathan tomorrow everything will feel right. The nerves will vanish, I promise," he said with a small smile.

She didn't seem to have taken his words to heart though. She merely stared down at her small hands in resignation.

"Remus, do you think...would you help me with something?", she asked, finally chancing a glance at him.

"Of course, you know I will. What do you need?", he asked.

"I think I need to have confession. But I...I think I need to confess to someone else," she said, carefully avoiding his eyes.

The simple request took him aback but he tried hard not to let it show.

"Well, um...Father Smith is traveling at the moment, he won't be back until tomorrow. I'm the only one here right now. If you're not comfortable with me, do you think it can wait until he returns?"

She bit her lip and fidgeted in the pew, just like she did when she was younger.

"I'd rather not wait until then, but...I just don't think...I don't think I can confess to you," she said, blushing fiercely at the admission.

"We've become good friends and it would feel...awkward with you knowing my sins," she admitted, looking him in the eyes.

He smiled warmly and said, "I respect that and completely understand. But know that I don't remember anything you tell me. I'm in a state of divine grace when I practice this sacrament, so I'm only acting on God's behalf. I forget what you tell me, for the sins you confess, they're not really mine to hear."

She looked so sad and small as she silently weighed her options.

Drawing a deep breath, she finally said, "Alright then. I suppose you should be the one to hear this," she said with a small, regretful smile.

He nodded, not sure of what she needed to say.

He pulled his rosary from his coat pocket and placed his sacramental sash around his shoulders, he made the sign of the cross and looked at her to begin.

"Whenever you're ready, take your time," he smiled.

She turned toward him, their knees touching and she made the sign of the cross, "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen."

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," she began, with a shaky voice.

"And when did you last confess?", he asked, effortlessly slipping into his role.

"One year ago," she said, her eyes focused on the small altar, her face aglow with gentle, flickering candle light.

"And what are your sins?", he asked looking at her lovely profile.

He sat back and waited patiently, legs crossed, hands clasped and resting in his lap.

People usually rushed through their confessions, their sins coming out in a rush of embarrassment, wanting nothing more than to be done and absolved.

But not Hermione.

Ever since he had heard her first confession when she was twelve years old, she had always gone slowly, not wanting to forget a single transgression and he had heard every single one of them. From the time she stole a pack of gum on a dare to cheating on a university test, every sin that left her lips ended with him.

He had lied to her earlier. He wanted to forget her sins but try as he might, he found he never could. With every other parishioner, he fully did forget, but not with Hermione. He found he wanted to hold tight to every little thing about her, even her confessions. They stayed with him throughout the many years and deep down, he knew why.

Against every principle, every ideal he held dear, against his faith, he had begun to harbor deeper feelings for the young woman.

She was kind and beautiful and she treated him differently. She treated him not as some asexual, religious figure, like everyone else had, but rather like a person, a friend, a man. And he hated himself for wanting that feeling, knowing what a sin it was to want her. He had confessed and sought forgiveness many a time for his impure thoughts but he honestly couldn't let them go. Thinking of her was his dearest thought, his only real pleasure in his lonely existence. It was something that he simply couldn't let go.

He smiled at her now, she was all grown up and this might be the last confession of hers that he would hear. After her wedding tomorrow, she was moving to France with her new husband, he thought with not a small amount of sadness.

Her red, swollen eyes locked onto his as she took a deep breath to confess.

"I've sinned, Father. I've felt something for a long time but I've never confessed it, not to anyone, barely even to myself. You see, I'm...I'm in love with someone else. I don't want to marry Jonathan tomorrow."

Her head hung in her hands, as she wept bitter tears. His heart broke for the poor young woman.

In his twenty years as a priest, he had heard every confession imaginable, and confessions of the heart were always the toughest to admit and as a priest they were generally the hardest sins to hear, for they bore the greatest sadness.

This confession was no different.

Remus nodded and offered Hermione a handkerchief as the tears poured anew at her words, fighting hard not to offer her more comfort.

"It must have been hard carrying that around for so long. You're very brave to admit it," he said.

She nodded, her small shoulders rolled forward, her long curls hiding her reddened face from her dear friend.

She tilted her head up and caught his eyes and said, "Holding this in has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Because if I say something, it will ruin so much. Not just my impending marriage, but...so much more will be at stake. The man I love... I'm sure he doesn't feel the same about me."

"I want forgiveness, I truly do," she continued, "but I don't think I can let this go. So what good would forgiveness be if I will just sin again?", she asked, her face full of worry.

"God will always grant forgiveness, no matter how many times we sin. Do not worry about that. What counts is that we are sorry for our actions," he said.

"Are you sorry for your actions? Are you sorry for lusting after another man?", he asked, his rosary beads entwined in his fingers, his eyes downcast, to avoid seeing hers.

She didn't respond right away.

The silence seemed to stretch on and on, so he finally chanced a glance up and found her intently staring at him.

When she finally had his gaze on her she said calmly yet firmly, "No. No, I'm not sorry."

"I love this man, I truly do. I'm sorry I've hurt Jonathan by not giving him my heart as I should, but...I'm not sorry for loving another. That love...it's the only good thing I have. I can't bear to give it up," she said honestly.

He looked at her questioningly, not entirely sure how to proceed.

How could he absolve her for a sin she wasn't sorry for? He swallowed hard and averted his eyes and tried a different approach.

"Well, then...What are you going to do about tomorrow?", he asked carefully.

She slowly leaned her head back against the polished, wooden pew, her eyes shut as quiet tears trickled down her flushed cheeks.

Why on earth did she have to look so beautiful?

"It's not right to marry Jonathan, not with how I feel. I have to break it off."

He nodded, pretending to know the intricacies of relationships and heartbreak.

"And what about this other man? Are you going to tell him?", he asked, looking down at his hands, not wanting to betray his own racing heart.

She turned to look at him and said softly, "I don't know if I can."

He swallowed hard at the intensity of her gaze. His stomach knotted as he realized just how close she was, how lovely she smelled, how good he felt when he was near her.

"You should always be honest," he said, trying to sound wise and collected, although he felt anything but.

He could feel his heartbeat pounding in his eardrums, his palms suddenly sweaty, his breath seized in his chest.

She offered him the smallest of smiles, and nodded as she slowly leaned forward and took his red, sweet lips in for a soft, gentle kiss.

The pressure was so light, so faint, Remus couldn't be sure it had really just happened.

But there, in the silent, candle-lit church, Hermione had just kissed the man she had been in love with since she was sixteen years old.

She opened her eyes and pulled away to see Remus had his eyes still shut, his chest rising and falling with some difficulty.

"I'm so sorry, Remus," she said, taking in the anguish that now graced his face.

He opened his eyes at her soft words and his fingers reflexively reached up and touched his lips.

He hadn't kissed or been kissed in twenty years. His lips had issued prayers, praise, sermons, blessings and even the divine wisdom of God, but they hadn't been used to do that. They felt positively on fire.

"I know you can't be with me," she said with a sad smile. "Probably wouldn't want to even if you could. But I just...I couldn't get married tomorrow with how I felt about you. I couldn't promise my heart to another in front of you. I love you, Remus, a part of me always has. Please, forgive me," she said, as she rose from the pew to leave forever.

But he stood and caught her hand, before she could go and pulled her back and then she felt him, all around her. His arms ensnaring her tightly as he pulled his long body flush against hers and he simply held her.

He stared deeply into her caramel brown eyes. Not since the day he took his vows had he had the exquisite luxury of holding someone, feeling their body move against his. His strong hands splayed across her warm back, she felt absolutely perfect in every way. Her sweet smell, her long luscious hair, cascading down her back, her soft, warm body, it all made his heart beat wildly against his chest, he was sure she could feel it, too.

"I've struggled with this," he finally said, his voice barely louder than a whisper in the silent church, his eyes locked onto hers.

"I've been in love with you for a year now. And I don't know what to do with this. I'm forty-two years old and this was never supposed to happen for me. This is forbidden and a sin but...I can't seem to stop this. I love you, Hermione, I truly do."

She felt joy flood every inch of her being as she tilted her head up to capture those lovely lips, once more. But before she could, he pulled back .

"But I can't act on this," he said, reluctantly pulling away from her, his voice so redolent with sorrow and loss.

"To do so would break something that couldn't be fixed," he said.

"I thought you said God always forgives?", she asked.

He smiled sadly at her and shook his head.

"This couldn't be forgiven. I've taken a vow to forsake any...attachments, both emotional and physical. It's...it's not what I want, but it is what I've promised. As much as it pains me, I can't act on this. I'm so sorry, Hermione," he offered, looking so very ashamed and guilty.

"Do you want to be with me, Remus? Because I truly want to be with you. You might be right. Maybe it can't be fixed or forgiven, but maybe that's alright. Maybe we could make something different, some new. Together," she said, not holding back any longer.

She wanted this man, more than anything and she would be damned if she let this one chance slip through her fingers without even trying.

He leaned wearily against the pew, rubbing his hands along the polished wood, hoping, praying desperately that God would send him the strength he so desperately needed to walk away from this lovely woman. But as he tilted his head up and saw her before him, his found no strength at all.

Only want, only desire.

It would seem God had left Remus to figure this out on his own. If he was going to walk away from her, he would have to find the strength himself.

He took a deep calming breath and turned to leave but she pulled him back and with all her might, she kissed him. Kissed him once more, with a scorching heat, a kiss full of longing and need, passion and love. He felt too shocked to move, to speak, to break away, to think. His whole body ached with a fire burning bright and hot beneath his skin. This woman was all he wanted and he couldn't bear to tear himself away. He knew how wrong this all was, but couldn't find it in himself to care anymore.

Their mouths fit so perfectly together, like they were made to be as one. She pulled him tight, her hands sliding into his jacket to feel the overwhelming heat of his body. She opened her mouth and let her tongue wander and taste him and was elated when his lips parted for her and his hands grasped her, clucthing her body fiercely, possessively against his own. His hands buried deep in her auburn curls, caressing the back of her neck, his own tongue tenderly exploring her sweet mouth, she felt such desire, such raw, frightening, all-consuming want for the man before her.

Their mouths and hands glided and rubbed across one another as the passion built. Remus could feel his body humming with passion for the first time in his life. It felt overwhelming and terrifying to feel so out of control. Yet it also felt exhilarating.

He pulled back slightly to catch his breath and she could see the flicker of worry and doubt dance across his eyes. She clung to him all the more.

"Be with me, Remus. Please. I know you're scared, I am too. But we'll figure this all out together. I promise," she said, her voice so confidant.

"I love you, Remus. I can't bear to lose you."

He paused, for only the briefest of moments, looking at her small hand, gently clasped in his own. Her warm fingers intertwined with his, like two sets of tree roots that had grown together as one. It felt so comforting and beautiful. It felt well and truly right.

He tilted his head up to see her imploring eyes, full of hope. He smiled at the sight and offered only a small nod as he gave her another heart-stopping kiss.

"Come with me," he whispered in her ear, gently pulling her towards the large oak doors and away from the church.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews & follows!**

 **The last third of this chapter has been expanded, worth another read if you get a chance. Expanded Remus' perspective a bit and it adds some depth, I think. Huge thanks to _FourHouses_ for their help in crafting the story :) **

**Just to clarify, Remus is a priest in the Catholic Church and romantic relationships are strictly forbidden for him. So...let's see what happens with that ;)**

Hermione followed, wordlessly, as blinding passion and joy took hold of her. The quiet doubts and worry that seemed to constantly nag her were momentarily silenced as her mind dutifully shut off and focused only on the pleasure of his strong hand wrapped protectively around her own.

For his part, Remus blocked out all rational thought. The guilt and shame and fear would have to wait for another day. He had waited too damn long for this and didn't have the heart to deny himself any longer. He glanced down at her sweet fingers interlaced in his own and it gave him courage and hope, two things that didn't come easily to the lonely man.

 _Everything will be fine_ , he thought, _just breathe._

Before they knew it, they had crossed the small, snow-covered parking lot and were back in his private quarters, their bodies crashing together. Their mouths and hands exploring and touching and grabbing as the pair fell into a beautiful, deep abyss.

The hunger that dwelled deep within them was finally, mercifully, coming to the surface and they seemed incapable of stopping the ensuing flood. They did not shrink back, but rather leaned wholeheartedly into it.

Coats, boots, gloves and scarves came off quickly as the pair moved about the small room, their lips never parting.

As she pulled him back towards his large, soft bed, she climbed atop it and kneeled before him so she could kiss and tease him apart with her soft, warm mouth.

He had never felt such unbridled joy, his body and spirit finally awakening to her touch, her mouth, her beautiful body. As her hands drifted beneath his sweater and skimmed along his sensitive skin, her fingers working to unfasten his belt, his mind momentarily cleared as he realized where they were headed.

He stopped his frenzied kissing and pulled back ever so slightly, still holding her tight, he tried to quiet his raging heart long enough to draw a breath.

"Hermione, I've never...you see, I've never actually been...um, with anyone. I'm a virgin," he admitted, his cheeks flushing crimson. "I'm not even sure if I'm doing this right," he admitted, smiling shyly as he starred pointedly at his shoes.

She smiled at his words, and gently tilted his face up to meet her eyes.

"It's fine, Remus. I'm a virgin, as well, so we're basically starting at the same spot. You're doing everything just perfect. So relax, we've got all the time in the world, we don't have to rush," she said, smiling sweetly as she tenderly held his face.

He smiled at her sweet words, drew a deep breath and felt himself relax. She pulled him close and pushed his sweater up and over his shoulders, revealing his tight, lean body that begged to be caressed.

She breathed deeply and willed herself to slow down and enjoy every single second of this. She slowly traced her fingers down his chest and stomach, her nails grazing his delicate, pale skin. He watched her, his breathing gradually slowing as she explored him and discovered him. Her eyes wandered slowly across him, taking him in, delight apparent in her gaze as her hands glided across his shoulders and down his arms and finally encircling him and pulling him close.

"You are perfect," she whispered, her lips right next to his as she languidly began to kiss his neck and shoulder. Her small, determined hands caressed his back as she pulled him atop the bed with her.

He felt so unworthy of her praise and touch but he couldn't deny how wonderful it felt to hear and feel. Being wanted, desired was so completely foreign to the man, he could barely comprehend this all was actually happening.

They kissed and held one another for what felt likes ages, and with each gentle sigh and touch, their combined nerves began to vanish as they slowly became familiar with eachother. The bodies soon began moving as one single entity, with the friction and passion building and building to a fever pitch.

Hermione soon realized that her body was positively quaking with delight, the passion was making her dizzy and quickly overwhelming her. The unfamiliar rush of heat and excitement was almost too much to take in at once. Blood pounded in her ears, her breath was coming out in raged gasps, her heart was racing, wetness was pooling at her core. She desperately needed more of him. Needed to feel his naked body against hers.

Still fully clothed, she finally pulled back and effortlessly pulled off her sweater revealing the white lace bra beneath. He blushed deeply at the sight as he took in the incomparable sight of her beautiful body, his hands instinctively reaching out to caress her bare skin, it all feeling like a perfect, blissful dream. One that he never wanted to awaken from.

She smiled down at him as she unhooked and slowly slid her bra off, her eyes never wavering from his. He audibly gasped at the sight and he sat up. He slowly pulled her into his lap. He felt so stunned by the woman before him, not only by her exceptional beauty, which was certainly unparalleled, but also by her brave heart and by the trust that she bestowed upon him, of all people. He simply couldn't believe how much of herself she was willing to give to him, and only him. She was letting herself be completely vulnerable and share with him a singular gift.

She should have felt nervous or embarrassed. Had she been with anyone but Remus, she was sure she would have. For she had never felt much self-confidence when it came to her body, often feeling inadequate and decidedly unsexy compared to the girls she had grown up with. No one had ever even seen her body like this and she had always worried that when the time came, a lover wouldn't care for her body or be excited by her. But the way Remus held her, touched her, the way his stunning blue eyes drank her in, it made her feel so beautiful and confident. Her heart swelled at the joy that he brought forth from within her.

Being in his arms felt like the most natural thing in the world, like their bodies had once been fused as one, eons ago, and then torn asunder by a cruel deity, casting each into a sad, lonely existence. But now they had found eachother and were as one once more. This was how they were meant to be.

Her beautiful, full breasts nestled against his strong chest, his eyes drifting across her luscious body, he did indeed feel humbled and honored to have her. He finally kissed her again and relished the feeling of her skin, his hands grasping her back and tangling in her curls, his whole body and soul full of unmet want and need.

"You are so beautiful. More exquisite and lovely than I could've ever imagined. I don't deserve you," he said sincerely as he looked deeply into her eyes.

She smiled at his words, unaccustomed to hearing such praise and said, "I love you, Remus."

"I love you, Hermione. Truly, I do," he said, cupping her face and kissing her once more.

Their hands grasped and moved and glided with greater urgency now and before long he has laying atop her, his head dipping to kiss and suckle her neck while his hands gently, carefully caressed her breasts, his fingers grazing her nipples, eliciting a satisfying gasp from her.

She let her legs fall open and he settled himself there, his body writhing against hers as his thigh rubbed against her molten center. She arched her back to meet his every move, the pressure and tension building within her felt both overwhelming and yet not enough. She dug her hands deep in his hair and moaned into his mouth at the delicious way he moved against her, her body alight with pure ecstasy.

"Please, Remus. I need...more. Please," she begged.

He slowly sat up and began to take off her pants. His fingers trembled slightly as he unbuttoned her jeans and slowly pulled them free, leaving her in nothing but a pair of white lace panties. She looked absolutely divine. His whole body was shivering with anticipation and nerves, he tried hard not to show just how nervous he truly was. She took in his worry though and held his gaze confidently and smiled at him, trying to put him at ease.

He slowly crept forward and settled next to her, kissing her once more, his sweet mouth on hers causing her to quickly loose what little focus she had. She didn't let him get very far before she gently pushed him onto his back as he sat up and kneeled next to him. She leaned above him, unbuckled his belt and began to undo his jeans, a small smile gracing her lovely face. Her almost naked body, glowing by the light of the fire, was beautiful to watch, he could've stayed there for all eternity and reveled in her.

Sliding his jeans down his legs, she tossed them unceremoniously to the floor and left him in only his boxer shorts. Hovering above him, she ran her hands up his long, strong legs, grazing the bulge in his shorts causing him to drop his head back, shut his eyes tight and moan as pure pleasure rippled through him, the likes of which he had never known.

She strattled his hips, bent forward and took his lips once more. Her wet heat rubbing against him, over and over again, was sending him closer and closer to the edge and he knew he wouldn't last much longer.

In a single fluid movement, he pulled her forward and gently rolled her onto her back, holding her face in his hands and staring deeply into her lovely eyes.

"Are you sure about this? We can still stop," Remus asked, his voice deep and full of passion.

"I want you, Remus. Please make love to me. I want you more than anything," she said, as her chest heaved with each breath.

He smiled at her beautiful words as he hooked his thumb in her panties and slowly pulled them down, trailing kisses down her body as he went. Once she was fully naked, he swiftly pulled off his own boxers and he settled once more between her legs.

He positioned himself right at her opening, her desire apparent and enticing.

He kissed her and tenderly cupped her face as she smiled and nodded, willing him to finally succumb.

He gently pushed against her and their eyes closed at the incredible sensation that greeted them both. His breath shuttered at the wet heat that met him. He had to grip the mattress to stop himself from losing control that very instant.

She felt the push and pressure and was momentarily stunned by the discomfort.

He opened his eyes to see hers still closed, her breathing slow and controlled.

"Have I hurt you? Are you alright?", he softly asked, worry apparent in his voice.

"No. I'm fine, please don't stop. You feel incredible," she smiled, kissing him once more.

They laid like that for several beats, the pair both grappling with the amazing, new world they had discovered together.

She slowly began to move her hips beneath him and he carefully met her with shallow thrusts, each movement causing his whole body to tighten with anticipation. They soon found a beautiful, sweet rhythm, their bodies moving not as clumsy, nervous, first-time lovers, but rather as soul mates, so attune and in sync with one another.

Her body was soon overcome by passion and need, and began moving of its own accord, her hips grinding into his, her lips devouring his own, her long legs wrapped around him, trying desperately to get closer to him.

"You feel so incredible, I'm so close," he moaned into her ear as he gripped her bottom and pulled her tight against his body, fully filling her and in turn sending her careening over the edge as her coil of pleasure burst apart.

The ecstasy that quaked through her body had felt so all-encompassing and powerful. She had never before experienced such elation and pleasure.

Watching and feeling her luscious body succumb to passion caused him to fall headlong into his own pleasure, the ecstasy rippling through him over and over again like a tidal wave.

Their frantic ministrations slowed as they gradually came down and he offered her more tender kisses and gentle caresses.

He lay beside her and tenderly held her, kissing her curls and trailing his fingers up and down her body. He finally felt whole, he finally felt at peace.

"Are you alright?", he asked, looking at her with pure love and adoration.

She smiled and nodded, tracing her fingers along his chest.

"I love holding you. I could get used to this," he said, smiling at her.

"Me, too," she said, smiling against his strong chest, disbelieving what they had just shared.

She pulled back slightly to see his face relaxed and happy, "Are you okay?," she asked.

He smiled widely, his eyes warm and kind and said, "Yes, yes, I am. I'm wonderful."

"We're going to be fine. We have eachother now, everything else will fall into place," she said with a sweet smile, tucking herself tightly against him.

She relaxed into his warm body, a feeling of pure happines settling deep within in her.

He held her tight, her lovely, soft body molded to his felt like the most natural and beautiful thing to ever exist. He gently stroked her hair and breathed a deep sigh of contentment.

With his strong body surrounding her, Hermione's eyelids soon grew heavy and she slipped effortlessly into a deep sleep.

 **XXXXXXX**

She awoke contented and at peace, her heart full to bursting with joy. Bright warm sunlight streamed in through his many windows and she felt warm and safe in his bed, as she stretched like a happy cat, rolling across the bed. She was immediately surprised however, to find Remus missing. His side of the bed was cold to the touch and the sheets were already made up.

Confused, Hermione sat up, her eyes glancing around the room, looking for him. When she saw him sitting in his reading chair, her heart sunk into her toes.

Seated before the dying embers of the fire, Remus was dressed, once more, in his full habit. The sight she had seen countless times before was a true shock to see by the early morning light.

But worse than his clothes, was the coldness in his eyes. All the warmth she was so used to seeing was gone.

"Remus, what are you doing? Why are you dressed like that?" Hermione asked carefully, her voice full of worry.

"I have early morning mass," he offered matter of factly, avoiding her eyes.

"You're going to offer mass? But, but I...I don't understand. I thought...", she began, but he cut her off.

"It's not that simple, Hermione," he said, now looking her in eye.

"I've been a priest for twenty years, I can't just throw that all away because of what has happened between us."

She felt like she had been thrown headlong into icy water, her mind and heart stunned by his cold, callous words.

"What's happened between us," she repeated carefully, disbelieving the words coming from her lover's lips.

"Remus, you told me you loved me, just as I love you. I gave you my heart, you don't just get to throw that away," she said, the sudden, sharp pain cutting through her with a viciousness.

"Hermione, I'm not trying to hurt you, truly I'm not," he said, his voice softening ever so slightly.

"Please, believe me. I do love you. Everything I said last night was the truth but...I also feel that what we did was a sin. A grave sin. One that I can not act upon again," he said, as he finally looked at her laying in the bed they had just shared.

"It truly kills me to say and do this, I hope you know that," he said, tears filling his eyes.

"But you said...you said you loved me. Isn't breaking someone's heart a sin?", she asked quietly, her eyes filling with tears.

He only sat silently.

"If it isn't, it damn well should be," she said softly, tucking her legs to her chest to fight off the chill that now surrounded her.

She suddenly looked so small and fragile, so human. He swallowed hard at the hurt he was causing her.

"Father Smith should be back soon. I'm going to offer my confession to him. I suggest you do the same before your ceremony," Remus said rather softly, his voice full of anguish.

Hermione only shook her head sadly, fighting back the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, as she reached towards the bottom of the bed to retrieve her sweater and panties.

"No, I don't believe I will," she said, as she began to slip her clothes back on. "I've done nothing wrong, and neither have you," she stated, her eyes full of hurt that he would feel this way.

He nodded and stood up to leave. As his hand reached the door knob, he heard her imploring voice once more.

"Please, Remus, don't...don't do this. Stay with me, I love you."

The words were beyond moving. She was offering him everything she had to give but he knew he couldn't cave now. She deserved better than him.

"I've always loved you, you know," she said, getting out of their bed and approaching him.

"I loved you when I fell off my bike when I was twelve and I skinned both my knees and you carried me all the way home. And I cried and sobbed all over your shirt but you never complained."

"I loved you when you bought all my Girl Scout cookies, even though I hadn't sold a single box just so I could win the head scout award for once."

"I loved you when you would read my poetry aloud even when it was rubbish."

"I loved you when you held my hand at my grandmother's funeral."

"I've loved your sharp mind, your humor, your gracious heart, your smile."

"I've simply loved you, Remus. Every part of you. I've loved you. I love you," she said, standing right before him, taking his warm hand in her own.

It was almost imperceptible but she could see his eyes soften ever so slightly, the warmth returning with each heartfelt utterance from her lips.

"If only...if only things were different," he said, the desperation and sorrow in his voice readily apparent.

"But we can make them different, Remus. You just have to trust me," she said.

Staring deep into her lovely eyes he could see a future with her so clearly. Getting married, seeing the world, having children, simply getting to be with her every single day. It all seemed so close, just within his grasp, if he could just forgive himself for being human, for wanting more from life.

He smiled slightly as he traced a delicate line down her jaw, his thumb coming to rest by her trembling lips. He was falling headlong once more into her lovely eyes, his heart opening wide once more.

As he smiled and leaned forward to kiss her, her cell phone rang out.

It was this simple, little thing that broke the spell.

Remus's head jerked toward the ringing and when he did, he caught sight of the rumpled sheets, of his deshelved room, of the small bible that sat on his bedside table and he suddenly remembered just who exactly he was.

He knew this was wrong, in so many ways. So Remus took this interruption as his divine sign, God finally chancing to stop by, albeit a half-a-day late.

 _RING, RING._

"I wish I could promise you a forever, Hermione."

 _RING_ , _RING_.

"But I just can't," he offered, tenderly cupping her face as the tears escaped his anguished eyes.

As much as his heart burned for her, he knew this wasn't a life he deserved.

 _RING, RING._

"Please don't go, Remus. I love you."

 _RING, RING._

"I know, and I love you. But this just wasn't meant to be," he said sadly, carefully tucking a stray curl behind her ear.

 _RING, RING_.

"You should get dressed, you've got a big day ahead of you," he offered with a small sad smile as he reluctantly stepped away from her.

 _RING, RING._

"My heart will always be yours, Remus. Always."

 _RING, RING._

"You should really answer that," he said softly, his eyes full of sorrow.

 _RING, RING._

He turned and reached for the door knob and Hermione knew there was no point arguing, the window to his heart had been firmly shut. She knew a lost cause when she saw one.

As she hugged herself and bit back the onslaught of tears that was sure to come, Remus turned the knob and quietly left his room.

As the door clicked shut, Hermione felt her heart rip apart at the seams and her tears finally flowed. Crumpling in a heap on the floor beside the bed, Hermione finally reached for her still-ringing phone and answered it. Her irate mother was on the other end.

"Yes, mother, I know I'm running late," Hermione said wearily, settling in for the full weight of her mother's wrath.

"I just went for a drive. I needed to clear my head."

"Yes, mother...I'm fine."

"I'm sorry I've kept the hairdresser waiting."

"Yes, mother, I'll pick up Aunt Meredith on the way."

"Yes, I'll be home in twenty minutes," Hermione said as her mother finally, mercifully let her hang up.

Sitting alone in his room, her hair tangled, her lips raw from his kisses, she felt sorrow plant itself firmly in her heart. The early morning light that shone through the windows no longer felt warm and comforting, but rather harsh and intrusive, casting the room in a sickly yellow pallor. It was a new day and Hermione couldn't pretend anymore. She roughly wiped the tears from her face and stood on weak, shaky legs. She slowly gathered the rest of her clothes strewn about Remus' room.

She dressed quickly, shame and sorrow traveling their well-worn path through her heart. She grabbed her small purse and put on her shoes. The last thing she did before leaving was to make the side of the bed she had slept on. Smoothing the rumpled sheets, folding back the comforter to match Remus' side, trying to erase herself from the room along with all the damage she caused. She silently marveled at how much had happened in this room and how no one would ever know. She turned and silently left.

 **XXXXXXX**

Hermione made a beautiful, blushing bride. All three hundred guests seemed in agreement that she had blossomed into a stunning young lady. They all marveled at her gown, her grace, her poise. Tall, elegant, confidant, it all looked so effortless, so seemless, so damn close to the real thing it was all but impossible to see the strings behind puppet. Had anyone chosen to look at her, really look at her, they could've seen the force behind that smile, the fake cheer in her voice.

Someone did notice, but as usual, no one was paying him the least bit of attention.

Remus asked if anyone present had any reason that the couple should not be wed and Hermione stared right into his deep, blue eyes. She looked for anything, a flicker of hope, a pang of doubt, some evidence that he too felt same the same stab of anguish she felt at letting him go.

But all she saw there was calm, cool detachment. The man she had known for years, the man who tenderly made love to her last night, he simply wasn't there anymore.

Only the priest remained.

She felt the chasm between them grow into something impassable, unbridgeable. He had made his choice and now she had to make hers.

So when Remus asked Hermione if she would love Jonathan forever and pledge her heart and soul to the young man, she promised she would. If Remus didn't want her heart, it didn't seem to matter whom she gave it away to.

Jonathan leaned forward and gave his bride a chaste kiss and with that, Hermione's fate was sealed. Her heart broke at the future that awaited her. One without her true love, her dearest friend.

Friends and family clapped and cheered as the young pair made their way back down the aisle, seemingly happy. When Hermione reached the last pew, she chanced a glance back at the altar, but Remus was already gone. The only evidence he had even been there were the tears that trickled silently down her pale face.

 **XXXXXX**

As the newlyweds left the church, Remus watched from his bedroom window, detaching himself as best he could from the scene playing out below. He watched as Hermione hugged and kissed her parents and smiled for the photographer and headed off into her future. As she prepared to leave, she gave one last glance up to his window, but she couldn't see him as Remus hid carefully in the shadows. He watched her offer one last smile to the crowd and duck into the car, and disappear over the horizon. Remus sat down heavily on his empty bed, his heading spinning, his heart clenched tight at the pain that viciously rippled through him.

Before Hermione had even left his room that morning, Remus had already pulled Father Smith aside and confessed his sin. The kind, older priest had sat silently, taking in the guilt and sadness of his young colleague with a good bit of consternation. He sat quietly for a long time after Remus had finished confessing before speaking.

"Are you sorry for sinning, my son?" Father Smith quietly asked.

"Yes, Father," Remus said, his eyes red from crying.

"Do you regret your poor judgment?"

"Yes, Father."

Father Smith nodded and paused for a moment. He leaned forward, his wrinkled hands resting on his knees so he could look Remus right in the eye.

Remus did not break his gaze but rather swallowed hard at the question he knew was coming next.

"Do you love this young woman, Remus?" Father Smith finally asked.

"Yes, Father, I do," Remus immediately answered, guilt and sorrow etched clearly across his face.

Father Smith nodded gravely at the answer, settling back and looking Remus over once more, this time with a more appraising look.

"Are you quite sure, Remus? Do you really think you know what love is?" Father Smith asked.

"Father, you're asking me to define love and I'm not sure anyone, let alone myself, could dare do such a thing. One could never hope to grasp the depth and breadth of love with mere words. That would be akin to numbering the stars in the heavens or drops of water in the sea, it's simply too incredible a thing to qualify."

"I know what I feel, Father, and I have felt a deep, abiding respect and admiration for her for quite some time."

"It began in earnest last year, not long after she moved back and she began teaching our Sunday school classes for the children. I distinctly remember she was always so patient and kind with the children. She was amazing with them, in fact, it was such a wonderful thing to see," he recalled with a small smile on his face.

"I remember one Sunday morning we had a terrible thunder storm suddenly move in and we lost power. Her and I were in the basement teaching twenty little children and it all of a sudden became pitch black. We didn't know how long the power would be out or how bad the storm was, so we had to simply sit and wait it out. I tried telling stories and asking the kids questions to distract them but it didn't work at all," he remembered with a small chuckle.

"The kids were all upset, many of them crying, and I couldn't for the life of me figure how to keep them all calm till the power came back on."

"I honestly panicked, I didn't know what to do. And just when I was becoming truly desperate, Hermione did the most incredible thing...she began singing. And it was like... it was like an angel suddenly sat amongst us, her voice was so soft and warm and yet, strong and comforting. The kids who had been crying all stopped and were seemingly hypnotized by her magical voice."

"I remember sitting in the dark and just felt her voice go right through me, filling my heart with peace. I felt awestruck. Her words and the emotion in her voice, it felt so moving, so very touching."

"She had always been so shy and reserved and I had never once heard her sing before. And yet here she was, sharing this private yet powerful part of herself. She was bearing a piece of her heart and I felt honored to get to hear her voice, it made me feel special. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life."

"The little ones reached out to one another and held hands, and we sat just like that, in the dark, calm and safe, her beautiful voice surrounding us, till the power finally came back on," Remus said smiling at the memory.

"What song did she sing?" Father Smith asked, a small smile on his weary, old face.

" _Bring Flowers of the Rarest,_ " Remus answered softly.

Father Smith gave a nod and a look of understanding to the young man.

"A fitting song for such a lovely young lady," Father Smith replied.

Remus nodded in agreement.

"I may not know love, Father, but I do know that I desperately want what's best for her, I always have. She's grown up before me into a kind, strong, beautiful young lady. She's compassionate and warm, giving and loving. She's the finest person I've ever known and I'm proud and humbled to even know her. I simply want her to know happiness," Remus said.

Father Smith nodded once more at the answer.

"Yes, Remus, I'd say you're in love."

The old priest told Remus he could remain in the priesthood but only if his heart was pure and fully committed to the church.

Remus promised his lifelong devotion and Father Smith accepted him on his word and granted him absolution.

Three 'Our Fathers' and a 'Hail Mary' and all was supposedly forgiven, the slate wiped clean yet again.

As he stood to leave, Father Smith paused and turned to Remus.

"God loves all of his children, Remus. No matter what sin they commit," Father Smith said with a kind smile.

"If you love Hermione,...if you truly love her, Remus, you should think long and hard about remaining here."

"God would never want your devotion if that meant sentencing you to a life of misery," he said before leaving Remus to parse through his muddled thoughts.

Hours later found Remus standing at the altar waiting for his beloved to make her way down the aisle. He had been silently weighing the words of his mentor all day, trying desperately to summon the courage to be honest and take the irrevocable plunge.

He wanted to be brave and steal her away, promise her the life of joy and ease she so richly deserved but beneath all that want lay a firm, unyielding layer of doubt and fear.

As he watched her walk down the aisle, her brave eyes locked onto his, he realized in that very moment that he would never have her.

He wouldn't object loudly, or cause a scene, or dare betray his heart's dearest wish.

As much as he loved her, he also knew himself well enough to know that he lacked the courage at that moment to risk it all and start over in the world.

So he took the easy way out and let her slip away. And now she was well and truly gone.

All was said and done and he had been absolved. He was supposed to feel free now from the weight of guilt but if anything he now felt its acute sting all the more sharply as he grappled with reality of just how much he had hurt her. Shame, sorrow and anger coursed through him, as well they should, he thought.

He now knew it was not the fear of God that had plagued him when he awoke this morning. It was the fear of hurting her, of holding her back from the life she was meant to lead. That is what had terrified him and caused him to so callously push her away.

His judgment had been so clouded that he couldn't see how deep and unyielding his love for her really was. He had selfishly pushed her away to save his own soul and now that he was absolved, sadness and guilt were all he had left. It was his penance for hurting her, a sorrow that would stay with him for all his days.

He chanced a glance around his room in the hopes that she had left something behind. A hair clip, or maybe a glove. But, no. Every last thing belonging to the young, exquisite woman was gone. Not a single thing was left for him to cherish her by.

He laid down on his bed and buried his face in her pillow. He let out a shaky breath as he realized he was breathing in her scent. It was sweet and warm and he relished the way it swirled around him briefly, before it too disappeared.

Alone, in his quiet room, all pretense fell to the wayside as bitter, angry tears found their release. He wept for hours, as the winter sun made its slow descent in the sky, the light slowly ebbing away and casting his room in long, angled shadows.

The darkness came then, as it always does. It slowly enveloped him, pushing out all light and wonder and hope, until it swallowed him whole.

It was then that he realized with a sharp pang that letting her walk out those doors today was the easy part.

Living without her, his dearest friend, his soulmate, his other half, his very heart, that right there, that would be the hard part.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for the beautiful reviews, they are always such a treat to read :)**

 **The last third of chapter 2 was expanded. With some major help from** ** _FourHouses_** **, I added some more detail to Remus' perspective and I think it adds some nice depth. Worth another read before reading this chapter.** **Anyway, here's the last chapter. Thanks again for reading & reviewing :)**

 _Three Years Later_

Hermione bustled around her small bookshop, preparing to close up for the day as the late, fall sun began setting, filling the small space with brilliant, warm light. She carried one last box to the back room, to store with all the other boxes of unsold books. She wearily returned to the front of the shop to dust off the now empty shelves and took in the sight of her surroundings with a good bit of sadness.

Everything was packed up and cleaned, all ready for the new owners to take possession of the next morning. She had bought the small shop just two years ago and had loved owning this beautiful space. Nestled in a small, seaside town, the shop had been a quiet refuge for her as she indulged in her favorite books and made new friends with the friendly locals, all the while quietly healing and moving on with her life. But as satisfying as owing her own business was, it was hard to make ends meet selling rare books and thus circumstances caused her to lose her beloved shop.

She walked reluctantly to the front door and flipped the 'open' sign to 'closed' for the very last time, feeling so very lost and defeated, losing, once more, that which she held most dear.

As she headed to the back room to grab her purse and keys, she heard the bell to her shop door tinkle lightly, indicating that she had one last visitor for the day.

"Evelyn? Is that you?", Hermione called out.

But her question was met with a masculine, "No," in response.

Her heart clenched tight at that the sound of that voice. Her mind must be playing tricks on her, she thought, her feet suddenly rooted to the spot. That voice simply couldn't belong to the man she thought it did.

Taking the precaution of dusting off her faded jeans and ripped sweater, smoothing her wild, frizzy hair, she slowly stepped out from behind the counter to see who had come to visit her and the sight that greeted her truly stole her breath away.

For she knew that voice too well to not know it by heart. Her last visitor of the day was none other than Remus Lupin.

He looked gorgeous, just as breathtakingly handsome as that fateful day three years ago when she last saw him. Standing before her in jeans, a white button down and a navy blazer, he looked so familiar and yet slightly changed, everything about him softened ever so slightly.

His sandy blonde hair had grown out slightly and was now a bit shaggier, giving him a sweet, unkempt look. He had also grown a nice beard, the sandy hair sprinkled liberally with grey and auburn flecks. He still stood tall and proud but his stance no longer bore the rigid posture she was so accustomed to seeing. His shoulders now looked relaxed, like a heavy burden had been lifted from him. Framed by the soft glow of the setting sun, he seemed to have a lightness surround him and yet it also seemed to emenate from within him. It was obvious to her that he had found some kind of peace in the wake of their anguished parting and that alone brought her joy.

He held a small bag in his hands and as their eyes met, he gave a wide, easy smile. He looked so relaxed and at ease, the exact opposite to the acute, sharp nervousness that suddenly flooded her whole body.

"Hello, Hermione," he said, his warm smile lighting up his lovely face.

"Hi," she said softly, her mouth as dry at the desert as her voice suddenly felt thick with so many complicated emotions. Surprise, elation, anxiety and joy all swirled together to have a heart stopping effect. She could barely catch her breath.

The pair seemed too stunned to move or speak for several beats. They settled for staring at one another from opposite sides of the small space.

With the store completely empty, she felt totally exposed in front of him, no books to catalog, no displays to straighten, no armor to shield her heart. She felt so raw and unguarded in front of him. They were just a man and woman alone together and she knew she couldn't trust herself alone with him. She knew her foolish heart would betray her any chance it was given.

"I'm sorry to show up unannounced. I tried calling first, but the number didn't seem to be working," he offered with a warm smile.

"The, um, the phone has been shut off," she said, as way of explanation while her heart beat out an erratic, wild beat.

He smiled slightly, his lovely eyes drifting across her, just taking in her beauty, like a pilgrim finally arriving at the promised land.

"You look well," he offered, still firmly planted next to the front door, unsure if she wanted him to venture any further into her personal space.

In truth she looked stunning. Her messy, lovely curls were piled loosely in a topknot. A few strands stubbornly refusing to be tied down, gently caressed the delicate skin of her pale neck. Her body was fuller now, curvier in all the right spots, and it added to her considerable beauty. She no longer resembled a girl but rather a grown woman and it suited her.

Her cinnamon brown eyes were warm and lovely, as always, like melted pools of caramel. As lovely as she looked, though, he noticed with a good bit of sadness that her kind eyes and delicate mouth were now framed by the faintest of worry lines, etched ever so lightly into her sweet skin. Worry and trouble had obviously graced her life in the years since she had married and it saddened him to think he had added to that burden.

"What are you doing here, Remus?", she asked, finally finding her voice, watching him with open curiosity.

"Looking for you, actually," he said, with a smile, shifting his weight slightly, his nerves finally making an appearance.

 _He's here, he's here, he's really here. This is actually happening,_ she thought over and over again. Her mind swirled with possibilities as to why he would show up, uncertainty gripping her heart and mind, making rational thought a challenge.

"I must confess, you are the last person I ever expected to see again. How did you find me?", she asked, her arms crossed over her chest to hold in the overwhelming emotions fluttering through her heart.

"That took a bit of work, actually," he said with a tentative smile.

"Well, first I tried looking at all the Catholic parishes throughout France but I couldn't find you listed there, neither under your maiden nor married name. I then tried asking your parents but they had moved away not long after you did. Luckily, they registered with their new church and I was able to track them down that way. I spoke with them just last week and they told me the last they spoke with you, you were living here."

Hermione nodded mutely in response, trying desperately to breath normally.

"They, um...they said they hadn't spoken with you in over a year. You had some sort of falling out?", he asked carefully.

"Yes," Hermione answered, her voice quaking slightly with emotion.

"We had a difference of opinion on a few things, feelings were hurt. They mean well, of course, but I'm a grown woman, they can't control me forever," she said, her words carrying more meaning than she was willing to share.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Remus replied, his hands shoved deep in his pockets, his eyes locked onto hers.

"It's really nothing to worry about," she offered quickly, resuming a poker face.

Silnce fell once more, the pair smiling nervously at eachother.

"Um,...how have you been?", Hermione finally asked, grasping for something to say.

His smile momentarily faded as his gaze settled on her. "It's been a hard few years," he answered honestly.

"I can imagine. I'm sorry you've been through so much," she replied, shame rising within her once more at the thought that her impetuousness had caused him such grief.

"Don't be sorry, I had a lot of things to work through," he vaguely offered.

"I'm surprised to find you still living in England," he said. "I thought you and Jonathan we're moving to France. You both must've had a change of heart," he said with a friendly smile.

"No, we didn't. Just me," she answered, looking down at her worn sneakers, avoiding his comforting gaze.

"I don't understand," he said, confusion playing across his face.

"Yes, well...Jonathan and I...we divorced. Actually, I guess...'annulled' is a more accurate description. I told him on our wedding night that marrying him had been a mistake. We, um...we never even consummated the marriage," she said, blushing at the admission and averting is gaze.

"We had the marriage annulled a few weeks later. As you can imagine, my parents were a bit upset, they couldn't understand why I was walking away from him. They always thought he was such a wonderful man and they thought I was being ridiculous, giving up so easily. I tried to tell them...that I didn't love him but they dismissed my concerns. They never did understand me," she said with a small shake of her head.

"I didn't know all of that. I'm so sorry you had to go through so much...heartache. I made things so much harder for you, Hermione."

"Marrying him was my mistake, Remus, not yours. I just...I wasn't thinking clearly that day and I made a poor choice. Jonathan's a good man, I never set out to hurt him, truly I didn't. I never wanted to hurt anyone," she said, her eyes full of sorrow at the pain of guilt and shame that dwelled deep in her heart.

"But I simply couldn't live in a loveless marriage. My parents did that and it was a horrible thing to witness, I knew being on my own would be better than living without love. Jonathan deserved more than that and so did I," she said.

"That's an incredibly brave thing you did, being honest like that. You should be proud of yourself. Courage is such a rare thing to find," he said, his eyes downcast.

He looked up then and stared at her for a long moment, he looked as if he might say more but opted for silence. She knew he had come here to talk but he didn't quite seem ready yet to say whatever it was he came to say.

She watched him glance around her empty shop, taking in the empty space that was filled only by fading sunlight.

"So, this is your shop, then?", he asked smiling.

"Well, yes, but not for too much longer," she smiled sadly.

"We vacationed in this town when I was small and I always loved it here, it's so beautiful and peaceful. I came here after I left Jonathan, just to think things through and I fell in love with this place all over again. I had only been here a few days when I saw the shop owner was getting ready to sell and retire. I had saved up just enough for the down payment, and I bought it two years ago. But sales were never amazing and I had some unexpected expenses pop up and I've unfortunately lost it. The new owners, um, whomever they are, take possession tomorrow," she said sadly, tears welling in embarrassment.

"Oh, Hermione, I'm so sorry," he said, anguish and contrition clear in his rich, comforting voice.

He stepped forward to embrace her but she instinctively stepped back, knowing all too well to always protect her heart.

"It's fine, really. I already have another job lined up doing some editing work for an online magazine and some freelance writing for a few travel magazines. I've enjoyed my work here, but it's time to move on. All good things must come to an end," she said with a forced smile.

She wiped her eyes dry and stepped away from him, pretending to be busy dusting an already spotless shelf.

"I saw you finally had your poetry published," he said, smiling. "I happened upon your book recently. It's really quite amazing. Your writing has always been so heartfelt and honest and beautiful. I'm so glad the world gets to relish in your talent," he said, watching her.

"I can't believe you actually saw it," she said, genuinely surprised. "No publishing house would buy it so I paid for a small printing myself. In hindsight, I should've saved that money rather than wasting it on such frivolity," she said, still turned away from him, pretending to be busy.

"How could such beauty be a frivolity?", he said sincerely, stepping closer to her.

"I wouldn't call it beautiful, Remus. They're just a few silly words," she offered matter of factly.

She resumed her dusting, trying to be strong despite being so very close to could feel her pulling away, distancing herself from him.

Since his words weren't having much of a noticeable effect on her, he chose to use her own words instead.

 _"His eyes bore no lies, only truth,_

 _For they could see all the cracks and scratches._

 _Yet he leaned in anyway, chancing it all,_

 _Her heart lay bare, open only to him._

 _She breathed out and fell in,_

 _He caught her just in time,"_ he said, with a small face on his face.

She blushed and looked downward, her heart catching in her throat.

She smiled despite herself at the warmth he infused into each word of her poetry, her heart fluttered at the effect his voice was having on her. She turned and smiled at him. She always loved the sound of her poetry coming from his sweet, perfect lips. She was so touched that he not only read it but remembered it.

"I love all of your poems, but I think that one is my favorite," he offered quietly, smiling shyly at her.

"Thank you," she said with a reluctant smile.

She could feel herself being pulled into him and knew she had to do everything within her power to resist. She couldn't let her heart be hurt once more, she had to keep things at the surface.

"Well, um, enough about me. How have you been?", she asked looking to change the subject. "The last time I spoke with my mother, she mentioned you had been elected to bishop. That's such an incredible acievement. You certainly earned it and I'm so very..happy for you," she offered, trying hard to feign that actual happiness.

"I was never elected to bishop. I'm not sure why your mother would think that," he said genuinely confused.

"What? You weren't elected? But my mother said you were, why would she say...", Hermione began, but her confused look quickly changed to one of anger, as understanding slowly dawned on her.

"My mother lied to me," she said with a wry smile.

"Why would she do that?", he asked.

"After I left Jonathan, I...I admitted to her that it was you I...loved," Hermione said, her throat seizing at the word. "And she didn't approve. She obviously wanted me to think you couldn't possibly return my affections. She made up this story as a way to convince me that you had recommitted yourself to the church," she gave a mirthless laugh.

"She always was controlling. It really doesn't matter," she offered with a sad shake of her head. "I wouldn't have contacted you anyway," she said defeatedly.

"Well, since you're not a bishop I can assume you're still enjoying the parish then? How is everyone? How is Father Smith?" Hermione asked, hoping that sticking to pleasantries would see her through this tense exchange.

"I honestly wouldn't know, I quit," Remus replied.

"What? You...you quit?", she asked, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

He nodded, "Yes, I quit the priesthood not long after we...not long after your wedding," he said softly, his eyes averted from hers.

"You really left?", she said, shock apparent on her face.

"Yes, I've traveled a bit and I recently began teaching religious studies at a small college not far from here. It's been good to step away a bit and think about what I wanted to do with the rest of my life."

"That's...that's, um, wonderful, Remus. I'm happy for you," she said, her mind still reeling from the sudden shift.

"Thank you," he offered.

"I just can't believe you're not a priest anymore. When I left, you seemed like...Well, like you had firmly made up your mind. Like nothing on this earth could change it," she said, with a sad shake of her head, anguish apparent in her eyes.

He nodded. "I thought I had made up my mind. But I soon realized that I couldn't stay there and pretend anymore."

"You always seemed quite sincere and devout to me," she offered.

"I was. I was a good, devoted priest. For a long time I was. That is until I realized just how much I loved you."

Her breath caught at his words, her heart aching at the hope that swelled through her chest. She shook her head and turned away to hide her tears.

"Why are you here, Remus?", she asked tearfully, not being able to bear the uncertainty any longer.

"I'm here today for three reasons. The first reason is that I would like to apologize to you," he said.

"To me?", she asked disbelieving, turning to face him.

"Yes. I'm sorry I hurt you the way I did. You know I...I foolishly thought I had all the answers. When I awoke that morning, with you in my arms, I felt such uncertainty. And I thought that I had made a grave mistake and I didn't want my poor judgment to cost you a happy future with a good man."

"After you left, I realized how much I gave away that day. Your heart is a special thing. The most precious thing I've ever had in my whole life. The way I acted, it was out of fear. I was afraid, of so many things. Of hurting you, ruining your future, screwing up your life. Leaving behind the familiarity of my world to live with you in yours. What we shared was beautiful, Hermione. It was the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. And I repaid that by hurting you. I'm so ashamed of what I did to you. I shouldn't have pushed you away. So I'm just here to say that I am so very sorry. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. I hope you can forgive me someday. Because I've realized that it was never god's forgiveness that I needed, it was yours that I needed. I still do in fact."

Hermione hugged herself tight as the tears she had fought back for years came freely now.

"Remus, you did nothing wrong. You are asking for forgiveness and I'll give it freely but know that I never blamed you. It was me, don't you see? I'm the one who ruined everything. I was foolish to expect you to up and leave you entire life just for me," she said, tears streaming down her face.

"I'm the one who is sorry, Remus. I've cost you everything you held dear. Your job, your faith, your life's work. I'm to blame for everything," she said, as sobs wracked through her body and her head bowed in shame.

"No, no, don't you see. I walked away, Hermione, I chose that, you didn't cause me to lose anything. I left because my heart simply wasn't in it anymore. I couldn't give my lifelong devotion to the church because...because my heart was already spoken for," he said, stepping forward and gently taking her in his arms. She nearly swooned from the contact.

He held her, staring right into her, seeing past her brave front, the one she had always held up to guard against all of life's many disappointments and sorrows. He looked right into her very heart and seeing her tremendous strength and beauty, he took a deep breath and bared his own soul.

"This brings me to the second reason, I'm here today," he said, swallowing hard at the pure joy and divine pleasure that flowed through him at getting to hold her so close.

"I came here to tell you, that I love you, Hermione. Desperately, horribly, heartbreakingly, so."

"I loved you when you planted tulips with me each spring around the church garden, even though I always insisted we start too soon and it was always still freezing out. You did it anyway, always with a smile on your lovely face."

"I loved you when you let all the children chase you around the parking lot each Sunday, playing tag until you absolutely collapsed from the joy of it."

"I loved you when your sang heart out to calm them all down when I couldn't."

"I loved you when you laughed and cried with me. Shared your thoughts and dreams and incredible wisdom with me."

"I loved you when you saw me as a real person. No one had granted me that in such a long time. You don't know how much that meant to me."

"I loved you when you risked your brave, beautiful heart on an old fool like me."

"With all my heart and soul, I love you. I always will," he said, his eyes boring into hers with pure, unwavering devotion.

These were words she had dreamt of hearing for three years and they could not have possibly sounded any sweeter or felt any more amazing to finally hear. And yet as extraordinary as they felt to finally have, she hesitated.

"Oh, Remus, you shouldn't...please don't say that," she said, her eyes full of tears, trying uselessly to pull from his comforting grasp.

"Why? I've waited long enough, too damn long. I love you, so very much, more than I ever thought possible," he said, enjoying how divine she felt in his arms.

"If you don't love me, if things have changed I understand, truly I do. I know I've taken my sweet time getting here and if...if you're in love with someone else I could hardly blame you. I never expected you to wait for me. But if you still do, love me, that is. Know that my heart is and always will be yours," he said, his own eyes filling with tears at the love that surged through and threaten to overtake him, body and soul.

"Could you find it in yourself to love me once more?", he asked, his eyes full of hope.

"Oh, Remus," she said, cupping his face. "I've never stopped," she whispered against his lovely lips.

He heart began beating once more, suddenly springing to life as happiness flooded his old, broken down heart. He smiled and leaned in to kiss her but she pulled away, still looking anguished and defeated.

"Remus, I truly do love you, but...so much has happened. You might not...that is to say, your feelings might change when you know everything...", she offered cryptically.

"Dearest, nothing could ever change how much I love you. Nothing at all. Do you understand? Nothing," he said resolutely.

"Don't say that. Don't promise me your heart. I don't deserve it," she said sadly.

"It's me who's undeserving, Hermione. Let me prove how very much I love you. Trust me, tell me everything. Jump and I'll catch you, I promise," he said, holding her small hands in his own.

"Oh, Remus, I...", she began but just then the front door to the shop opened once more to reveal an elderly woman walking in with an excited little girl.

"Momma, Momma!", the little girl happily cried as she ran to Hermione and gave her a huge hug, wrapping her small arms around Hermione's legs.

At this, Remus stepped back, shock clear on his face.

"Monkey! How was your day? Did you have fun with Miss Evelyn?", Hermione asked, her voice full of forced cheer as she tried valiantly to hide her tears as she bent down to sweep the child up in a tight hug.

"Yes! Yes! New car!", the little girl squeeled as she produced a shiny, red toy car from her coat pocket.

"Oh, my! How nice!" Hermione said smiling, her face flushed red from crying, holding the girl tight.

"Oh, forgive me," Hermione said, remembering that they weren't alone anymore. "Evelyn, this is Remus Lupin, a dear friend of mine."

"And Remus, this is Evelyn Ryder, my nanny. And this here...is my daughter, Joanna," Hermione said with a small smile, tucking a stray curl behind her daughter's ear. "But I call her 'Jo'," she said with a small smile.

Remus' breath caught at the sight. The little girl was probably two years of age, if his guess was correct. She was small, with beautiful, curly, sandy blonde hair. She looked like a tiny version of Hermione, except for her eyes. Instead of caramel brown, they were a lovely shade of blue-gray and they shone bright with warmth and joy.

Still stunned, Remus turned shook the older woman's hand, trying to remember his manners although his mind was reeling.

He then turned to the little girl still happily cradled in her mother's protective arms.

"Joanna," Remus said, softly, marveling at the child before him,"it's so nice to meet you. My name is Remus," he offered with a smile. Jo smiled back at him.

"Did you know your name is very special?," Remus asked her. "It means 'gift from God'. My grandmother's name was Joanna, in fact," he said with a small smile, tucking a stray girl behind the little girl's ear.

"Yes, I remember that," Hermione said softly, her eyes meeting his with a sad recognition.

The moment seemed to stretch on, the air hung heavy with tension, the pair unable to take their eyes off of one another.

A gentle cough from Miss Evelyn and squirming from Jo brought the pair out of their revere as Hermione set her daughter down to run off and play. Hermione ducked behind the counter once more and extricated several bills from her purse with which to pay her nanny, thank her for her help as always and show her to the door.

The shop once more to themselves, Hermione watched as Remus knelt down and took in the sight of the small child. He watched her with wide, open curiosity, amazement plain in his eyes.

Jo was sitting crossed-legged on the floor, busy doing the business of two-years olds: pulling every single thing out of her mother's purse.

As she pulled out a variety of small cars and lined them up, she caught Remus watching her and smiled at him. She slid a blue car across the old wooden floor and he caught it while smiling at her.

"Vroom, vroom," Jo whispered as she smiled at him.

"Oh, yes, it's a lovely car," Remus said, tears prickling his eyes, as he gently rolled the car back to Jo who caught the car between her purple sneakers and giggled at her new friend.

Time seemd to stop for the moment as Remus and Jo passed the cars back and forth, the sound of giggles and metal tires gliding across wood echoing around the empty store.

As Hermione knelt next to Remus, he finally pulled his eyes from the little girls' as Hermione gently took his hand.

"Hermione...is...is she...?", he began to ask, his voice breaking with emotion.

"Yes," Hermione answered immediately. "She's yours," she said as tears welled and fell with ease.

"She looks just like you," she said with a small smile, watching their daughter play happily.

At this Remus felt tears trickle quietly down his face, as he clutched Hermione's hand dearly in his own. Surprise, elation, anxiety all swirled through him but none were greater than the incredible, singular joy he felt at looking at his daughter.

"I didn't know if...with how we left things. I assumed you wouldn't want to be involved with her. So I didn't tell you. I'm so sorry, Remus. I should have," Hermione said, clearly distraught.

"When I broke things off with Jonathan and I found out I was pregnant, I felt so overjoyed. I knew that no matter what I would always have a piece of you and that brought me such joy."

"I told my parents that the baby wasn't Jonathan's and they were quite upset. They didn't want me to keep it, but when I told them that wasn't an option, so they disowned me. Didn't want me disgracing the family name. That's a big reason they moved, they didn't want to have to explain why I was single with a baby."

"You have had to go through this all alone. I wish I would've known," he said, pulling Hermione into his lap for a crushing hug, her heart breaking at the embrace.

"I should have told you, you deserved yo know and be involved, but I just... I didn't want to force you into something you didn't want out of honor or obligation," she said, pulling back slightly to look him in the eye.

"I love you dearly, Remus, but I don't want you to stay if...if it isn't for the right reasons," she said, tears streaming down her face.

He gently brushed her tears away and gently offered her his lips, his kiss full of tenderness and love.

"Hermione, I'm so, so very sorry I ever gave you reason to believe that I wouldn't love you and our child. I will always love you both," he said, clutching her dearly.

"But you've just met her and we've been apart for so long. How can you be so sure?", she asked, doubt clear in her eyes, still not believing the depths to which his love for her would go for both her and her child.

"How could I not love you both? She's half you and half me, of course I love her," he said, smiling.

"I've been on my own for a very long time, Hermione and I know that I don't want that. I want you and Jo, forever. I want to be selfish, in fact and ask for it all. Every little thing that involves you and Jo, I want it," he said, pulling her hand to his chest, to rest over his heart.

"I'm not afraid of what's to come. Truly, I'm not. I'm only afraid of living with out you. I want a chance to love you and raise our child together. Believe me, Hermione, trust me," he said, his voice full of adoration.

"But we've already missed so much time together," she offered, still looking unsure.

"We've got all the time in world, love," he said, tenderly cupping her face, running his fingers along her smooth skin.

She smiled as she remembered the words she had uttered to him so many years ago.

He leaned in took her lips once more and this time she felt her heart lighten and warmth envelop her, as she finally let her guard drop and embrace the man she had loved for so long with all her heart and soul rejoicing.

Their kiss was breathtaking and passionate. The pair could've quickly become lost in one another but it was soon broken as Jo came bounding over to the happy pair, dragging her mother's now-empty purse in her wake, and unceremoniously dropping it by their side.

"Momma, hungry," Jo said plaintively, pointing to her lips, as the pair pulled apart and giggled at their sweet girl.

"Oh, yes, of course. Sorry, sweet girl," Hermione offered as she pulled the wiggly girl into their lap and covered her in sweet kisses.

Remus looked at his love and at the sweet, giggling child in his lap and he knew that this unparalleled happiness was something he could definitely get used to.

"What do you say we lock up for the night and go have some dinner? You can show Remus all of your cars and dolls at home and I can make some spaghetti. Sound good, monkey?", Hermione asked Jo, as Jo gave an enthusiastic nod of approval.

"I hope you like spaghetti, it's the only thing she'll eat," Hermione said smiling sweetly to Remus as the pair shared one more lingering kiss.

"That sounds perfect," he said, tucking a stray curl behind Hermione's ear, joy finally sliding and clicking into place deep in his heart.

The trio quickly cleaned the toys up and as they left the shop, Hermione locked the front door one last time with a heavy sigh.

"Well, I guess that's that," she said, smiling sadly up at Remus.

"I'm so sorry I didn't arrive sooner," Remus said, "I could've helped you unpack boxes."

"Unpack them?", Hermione asked questionly. "Don't you mean pack them?"

"How can you run a bookshop without your books on display?", he asked with a smile on his face as he pulled a thick envelope from his bag and handed it to her.

"What is this?", she asked, her eyes wide with surprise.

"Well, this here is the third reason I am here tonight," he said, looking expectantly at her.

"Open it," he said smiling at her as he knelt down to zipper up Jo's jacket and give the small child a gentle kiss on her head.

Hermione looked confused. She pulled the flap back and reached into reveal a stack of business papers, with the top sheet being the deed to her bookshop. Hermione's name was written as the owner and operator of the store.

"Oh my god, you didn't!", she practically yelled, as realization dawned on her.

He only smiled in return.

"I found out from your parents that you were losing the shop and I just couldn't have that. I know how much you always wanted to do this, so I bought it for you," he said, nerves suddenly seizing him, unsure of how she would take the gesture.

"I hope you're not angry," he said, biting his lip, trying to gauge her reaction.

"Oh, Remus," she said, her eyes filling once more with tears as she launched herself into his waiting arms and kissed him with all her might.

"Thank you," she said, clutching him tight. "This is...so unbelievable. I can't properly put into words what this means to me. What it means to us," she said, picking Jo up and pulling Remus in close so that she could properly hug and hold her dear, sweet family.

"You've already given me so very much," Remus said. "It's the least I could do," he said, holding his love and his daughter tight.

"We're in this together now, forever," he said with a smile.

"Forever," Hermione said warmly, as the trio set off down the street, happily heading towards the lovely future that awaited them.

All the fear and worry that had lived so deep within her suddenly was pushed out by overwhelming peace and happiness. Her heart full to bursting, she smiled and breathed in the salty air. She had her daughter, her love, her shop, and a long life ahead of her full of joy.

They were finally as one, finally a real family. And she couldn't ask for anything more.


End file.
